Meditating with Future-Brittney

I have three weeks, 20 days exactly, until I board a plane and fly to my next home.  I found myself in a state of anxiety this Sunday afternoon, as I felt ready to take that leap now.  I felt suffocated in knowing I still had three weeks to wait.  I reached out to my friend C and told her of my concerns.  She reminded me that there may be a lesson waiting to be learned so I can move on to my next journey.  She mentioned meditation and how it will help my outer shell disappear from the anxiety and dive into the spiritual realm of peace.

I immediately searched for a “positive vibrations binaural beats” song on YouTube to listen to and I cleaned up the bedroom I’m staying in.  I laid my blue yoga mat flat on the ground and, with my headphones securely in place, lay down on my back.  I pulled my legs to my chest and began rocking back and forth to alleviate the tension that has been accumulating in my lower back.  I closed my eyes and began to sink into the music as my spiritual guides began to come forward.

All I must do is set the intention to meditate and I can almost instantly see my guides beckoning me toward them with smiles, eyes wide in excitement, and arms open to receive me.  I feel their love before even shutting my eyes as I have been able to cultivate a strong connection with them.  As I was laying there, it wasn’t any passed on loved ones that came forward, nor was it any of my archangels, nor was it my higher self.  It was future me.  It was Brittney who is a few months ahead of where I’m at right now.  It was the Brittney who has gone through this purging of heaviness I’m currently going through who can encourage me to keep going because she has gone through it.

That Brittney was standing there smiling at me with so much compassion for where I am at in my journey right now.  She began delivering me clarity on my anxieties.  She knew how badly I desired living in my own space.  She knew how sick I was of looking over my shoulder constantly while listening to music in my headphones, checking to see if somebody came into the home without me hearing them.  She pulled this example out so she could clarify what was really going on in a spiritual matter.

“Brittney, you’re still in a stage of your journey where you keep looking over your shoulder because there hasn’t been much time away from the mass amount of burden (past relationships with family and friends, people-pleasing personalities and behaviors, abusive ways of living) you’ve released.  It’s still new.  You’re still processing what you were carrying and how it impacted your life.  You’re still processing how to let go and allow yourself to move forward.  You’re still processing. It’s okay for you to be in this stage of life.  It’s powerful for you to be there because this is you living in your truth and in your authenticity.”

I began to feel relief as I realized it’s okay that I’m still looking back over my shoulder to make sure I’m still safe.  But then the thought came forward…

“But from what I’ve read like through what Eckhart Tolle has shared, I should be able to choose peace right now and release all of this ‘processing’ since time is an illusion – shouldn’t I?”

My future Self smiled at me.

“If everybody could wake up fully enlightened like Eckhart Tolle has claimed to do, then what would be the point of the life experience?  It’s okay to digest life in a way that empowers you.  Regardless of what people’s ideas are when it comes to releasing trauma and pain, or what their beliefs are when it comes to time and how long it should take somebody to find peace again doesn’t matter.  That is authentic to them.  You’re allowed to experience and explain life in a way that is authentic to you.  Plus, Eckhart Tolle is still human.  Maybe he’s running from his own healing in a way.  Who knows.  Who cares.  We are all human.”

Deep relief suddenly washed over me again.  I could accept that I’m in the stage of my life I am right now where I’m building myself back up.  I’m still paranoid a bit as I look over my shoulder to make sure I’m safe and that’s okay.  Future me has her own home.  To me that symbolizes complete freedom where I do not have to worry about somebody else walking in on me listening to my music and cultivating my vibration in a way that is authentic to myself.  It is coming.

“Look at the steps you have taken.  You went from leaving an abusive home, to living in your car at times.  Then you lived with your cousins for free for weeks as you rebuilt yourself.  Then you were able to climb up the rung of the ladder by living in a home where you were able to afford a low monthly rent in a room with furniture that is not yours but privacy that is.  In a few weeks you will be moving into your own room where you will be paying rent and the room will be yours.  Your furniture will be yours.  The décor on the walls will be yours.  The layout of the room will be yours.  It is the next step.  We know what comes after that step.  I’m already there.”  I sighed, tears streaming down my face.  This wasn’t as much about my own place to live as much as it was about my ultimate freedom being restored after relinquishing the power over my life for two years and losing almost every ounce of myself.  My living space was a spiritual symbolism of my own inner state and growth.

“Remember Brittney from last year?” my future Self asked me.  I immediately saw myself living in the basement of my Grandmother’s house. I was snuggled up in my bed in the dark, sobbing with pain, fear and abandonment sucking at my soul.  I didn’t want to live anymore.  I remembered her.

“What would you say to her from the place you are now at?” Future Brittney asked me.  I fell into sobs again.

“I would hold her in that bed and lay with her, respecting that she had to go through that pain to get to where I am today.  I would reassure her that it really would get better and that the Universe would do everything in its miraculous power to not just keep me alive, but keep me fighting for my justice and my power.”

“Put your hands out to receive,” Future me instructed.  I was laying between the closet door and the foot of the bed so I didn’t have much space.  I flipped my palms so they were facing the sky and found myself with my right arm extended downward, palm up, and my left arm extended over my head, palm up.  That was the only way I could reach my arms out with the space I was given while on that yoga mat.

“Perfect,” Future Brittney said, as the realization of why I had one arm extended upward and one downward.  The arm extended downward was holding the hand of the younger-version of myself from the past.  My arm extended upward was holding the hand of Future Brittney who had grown into a higher perspective from the hindsight the present experiences I was facing would bring.

“We are all interconnected.  You are at that place in your timeline right now, and it is safe for you to be there.  It is safe for you to feel like you must keep looking over your shoulder.  You’ve just left behind your entire life as you knew it.  Wanting to look back is natural, it’s part of your recovery process.”

“It would be beautiful to blog about this experience,” I said to Future Brittney.  She nodded in encouragement.

“The beauty of you claiming your authenticity and truth in these moments allows you to receive love for who you are right now.  Not who you think you need to be.  You do not need to be any certain way to be worthy of receiving love.  That’s why it’s so important for you to express yourself in your full truth in a way that is therapeutic to you right now.”

A recent negative comment I received on YouTube popped into my mind.  It was from somebody who told me I’m not the same as I used to be and that I just seem angry these days.  Future Brittney stepped into this thought.

“People who want you to show up in a certain way do so because they want to live vicariously through somebody due to their own lack of motivation to follow their purpose.  It’s the same narcissistic tendencies of control that are being cleared out of your system from your childhood.  Reclaiming your YouTube channel is a powerful way for you to receive love for who you are right now.  If you don’t feel like having to patrol the comments section you can also disable comments to give yourself the safe mindset you deserve as you continue to open up to your truth.  There are other ways people can reach you to share their encouragement and their love with you like through direct messaging you on Instagram or e-mailing you.  Or you can leave the comments on as you will most certainly continue to receive loving comments from the right people.  Remember, as you challenge the fear-mindset that this world has become accustomed to, it’s going to start targeting you even more.  Fear wants you to go along with it and not challenge it.  It tricks you into thinking you will live safely and in peace if you do as it says.  If you act up against Fear then it has to act up to try to control you.  Because the truth is that Fear is an illusion, and when Truth/Light shows up, it overcomes Fear.”   I knew this to be true from how much Fear-Mindset I had to face when I would regularly challenge beauty standards when it came to fat bodies on my YouTube channel in the past.  However, by me doing so it made monumental shifts in the right people’s lives.  I’m doing the same thing by sharing my truths about leaving abusive relationships behind regardless of the obligatory labels, like family, they may hold.

“Give the world the version of yourself that you are at, knowing it’s okay to be there.  You do not need to come across a certain way to be loved.  That is the people-pleasing wanting to gain control of you.  That is not Truth.”

I lay there on the yoga mat instantly feeling better than I have in a week as all this comfort, reassurance and wisdom from Future Brittney flooded my Being.  I am safe to be right where I am now, as it is not forever, and it is a crucial part of my recovery.  I am rebuilding myself to be a bigger, stronger, more authentic version of myself than ever before.  I can feel uncomfortable and I can be misunderstood.  I am here to be Me.  Not somebody else to make others happy.

Thank you Future Brittney and thank you C for pointing me back toward meditation.

 

Fashion-Focused Fun (3 Travel #OOTDs)

Welcome back to Style Sunday, blog fam!  Today I am going to share with you three #OOTDs [outfit of the day(s)] that I have worn on my road trip thus far.

For those of you unaware, a few days ago Spirit guided me to get back on the road to clear up some unfinished business.  When I left Maine in December of 2018, I had put most of my items into storage and packed what I anticipated needing for this open-ended road trip into my trunk.  Now that I have claimed home in Tucson, Arizona, I have been guided to go collect the rest of my things.  There is an even bigger picture to this road trip as I have been able to establish a sense of safety for myself knowing I have a place to live in a more permanent scale.  This has really allowed me to become more comfortable in my finances on this road trip and live with more curiosity and freedom than ever before.

So, knowing that this road trip was safe for me to stay present and enjoy myself to the fullest, I made a promise to myself that I would stop and see or do things that truly piqued my interest or were waiting to be checked off my bucket list.

The first stop that piqued my interest was 65 miles outside of my starting point of Tucson, Arizona.  It was a small town of Dragoon that had been advertising its peculiar attraction of “The Thing” for 40+ miles leading up to its exit off the highway.  Feeling funky and in touch with my inner child, especially with my recent rediscovery of my curiosity in Bigfoot, I had to find out what The Thing was that was worth 40+ miles of highway billboard advertising.

Well…

After meandering around the store, I still wasn’t certain what The Thing was… was it the alien holding the sign?  Was it the vast array of animal heads hanging on the wall?  I didn’t know, but the energy inside of that building was intense and pulled me in immediately.  I knew it had a lot of culture and history to it and I got lost in the atmosphere.

After I had decided to leave the building and get back into my car, I realized I had missed out on an opportune moment of taking a photo inside of that chaotic and energy-filled space.  The print of my pants was reminiscent of the Native American trinkets and décor that lined the tables and shelves.  I meandered back into the store, dodged an interesting glance from one of the workers who had seen me come back into the store a couple of times at that point, and I found a place to prop up my camera for a quick auto-timer photoshoot.

What I love about these pants is that they are extremely comfortable and road-trip approved.  They are not tight like jeans, so they sit comfortable around the waist which is ideal for road-trips considering the amount of sitting that is required (lol).

This white tank top was a clutch $3 purchase from Walmart.  To make it my own style I like to tie it in a knot.   Lately, instead of my go-to of tying the knot in the front, I have begun tying the knot in the back of the shirt, making the top looked like a fitted crop.

The cowboy hat was staring me in the face so… I just had to grab it from the bin and incorporate it into the shoot…

These pants are from the store Lovesick which was a sister store to Torrid and no longer exists.  However, I have seen this print in multiple other stores with similar pant styles such as Forever21’s plus size section.  This style and print is very similar: https://shopstyle.it/l/4Wuh

Other options include:

https://shopstyle.it/l/4Wr5

And…take note that these only go up to size XL and I have no reference for how they fit because I’ve never tried this brand: https://amzn.to/2Xt4Onw

After The Thing, I continued my journey which brought me through Texas.  After meandering through Austin, I stayed in an Air BnB for the night in Houston and then found my way toward New Orleans the next day for my first ever NOLA experience.  Sitting in an air-conditioned car for 5 hours leading up to my arrival in New Orleans prepared me to…suffer the extremely humid climate that suffocated me as soon as I innocently opened my door with excitement and stepped outside upon arriving.  My hair instantly started to frizz up which had me yearning for the frizz taming spray by Living Proof created for shielding hair in humid climates.  What’s funny about wishing I had this product with me, which I left back in Tucson, was that it was a product I’d been carrying around with me for years that I always forgot I had until I stumbled across it within my hair products.  It was almost empty, but I refused to get rid of it because I knew that I would need it… one day.  Well, that one day came and guess what?  I didn’t have it.  But if you want to make sure you have it on your trip, I can vouch for this product: https://amzn.to/2Xv8JjB

I assembled my hair into a couple of different hairstyles and changed my outfit a few times in anticipation for walking around in what felt like… Hell (lol).  At first, I put on a pair of jeans that did not sit comfortably from the sweat that was quickly accumulating from existing in that geographical location.  Sitting in my car after mangling myself and a couple of my brittle nails (trying to strengthen them after weeks of wearing tips and dip nail polish) trying to pull my jeans onto my already-damp body made me feel like a frustrated, stiff marshmallow.  I couldn’t breathe.  So, I pulled the jeans off and switched to something that was much more friendly around my waist and thighs: my galaxy yoga pants from Torrid.  At least I would be a lot more comfortable walking around because these pants would bend with me more easily than my just-washed jeans that were just-washed-tight (which I usually look forward to).

I sat there in my car, huffing and puffing from the gymnastics I had to do to change privately in my car and found the defeat pouring in.  I recognized that my mood was not where I desired it to be considering I was on vacation and chose to enjoy myself and my adventure instead of forcing myself to do that which would bring me agony.

What I’ve learned to do in times where I feel my plans are not working smoothly is surrender to what the Universe is trying to create for me.  I now have grasped the idea to not try to force things to make them happen in any regard and I’ve become respectful of my own energetic needs.  As soon as I had stepped out into that humidity, I became annoyed.  I didn’t want to walk around in that kind of weather.

So, instead of following the plan I had which included walking around Louis Armstrong Park and eating at Café du Monde, I found a place to eat where there was accessible parking right out front of the building.  On my navigation to Parkway Bakery and Tavern, I noticed a small pond area that was hosting a beautiful view of the sunset.  My mood changed as I decided I would grab my dinner to-go and walk down the block to sit by the water and relax into the sunset’s painted sky while I ate.  However, before I got out of my car to get food, I took an honest inventory of myself.  The outfit I had on was the galactic yoga pants and my Love tee with sneakers.  This wasn’t an outfit that was empowering me to feel like myself in this moment.  Maybe if I was going to workout I would have felt differently, but I knew that I needed to feel like me to really enjoy the experience.

So…I changed back into those jeans realizing that the humidity was decreasing now that the sun was going down and I wasn’t going to be doing too much walking.  In total, including the clothes I have in storage back in Maine, I only have two pairs of denim jeans.  The pair that I brought on my road trip are my absolute favorite pair of jeans I’ve had since my last pair of jeans that I loved so much they exploded in the thigh area from my constant wearing them.  I’m very peculiar about my jeans because I’m short at a height of almost 5’3 and my legs are definitely shorter than my torso.  To find a pair of jeans that I love is truly nothing short of a miracle.  I am coming to terms that the thighs of these jeans are wearing down to a dangerously thin level and I will need to retire them soon enough knowing that my next new favorite pair are making their way into my life.

You may recognize this Love tee from my last Style Sunday regarding Releasing Goal-Weight Clothing From Your Closet.  It is a tee that I was beginning to not enjoy and then knew I would love it more if I took some scissors to the length and made it into a crop top.  This is my favorite way to custom-create tops and has opened the door to buy tops from anywhere including thrift shops, knowing I can tailor them to my own crop-top style.

I propped up my camera against my delicious PoorBoy-sandwich gigantic shopping bag that they put my order-to-go into and had a photoshoot by the water.

I noticed how many people were wearing shorts in New Orleans which was completely understandable considering how hot it was.  However, if you have thick thighs and/or experience chub rub, I recommend wearing pants because although it may be unbearably hot, it will at least minimize the issue of developing a painful or itchy red rash between your thighs.  If you’re looking for a great chub-rub defying product, Body Glide has always been a wonderful option for me that I’ve used a lot when I lived in California and loved wearing short-shorts.  Check it out here and beware of the pink tax bullshit they try to put on the “women’s” body glide product.  The regular Body Glide works just fine: https://amzn.to/2X88zzr

I wished I had my favorite pair of wedges with me to complete this look because of how much I was craving physically embodying my femininity. But they got left behind in Tucson for the road trip.  So, it was between my sneakers and my bright yellow flip flops that I purchased from Walmart with intention to wear in any public showers such as at the gym or rec center.  Since my newest pair of slides I received recently burst apart to no return, these flip flops were my only option outside of sneakers when I was packing.  I really need to upgrade my footwear game… anyway…

I brought my food to eat by the pond, I enjoyed the colors of the sky as the sun sunk lower, and I felt empowered by my outfit knowing it was the best representation of how I felt in that moment.  My trip to New Orleans and my mood regarding it was quickly turning around.

Since this is a fashion-focused post, I will go into depth about my trip to New Orleans for a Travel Tuesday very soon, as the night that unfolded after eating that sandwich by the pond was truly spiritually guided and miraculous…

The reason I got the opportunity to check out New Orleans was because I was heading toward visiting my friend who lives in Mobile, Alabama (which is two hours east of NOLA).  However, before our paths could cross, the Universe guided me to Pensacola, Florida where there was an available Air BnB.  I hadn’t rested well the night before between New Orleans and arriving in Mobile, so I needed rest, repair, and relaxation to finish this blog post for you guys!  Plus, some much needed beach therapy was in the works for this Pisces Spirit.

I am trying to, of course, balance my finances on this trip.  Luckily, I have the option to drive for Lyft almost anywhere I go.  I picked up some rides this morning which came with ease in Mobile, Alabama and found myself effortlessly able to book the Pensacola Air Bnb for the amount of money I had made.  This empowered me because that would mean my budget would break-even.  Woo!  I drove the hour trip from Mobile to Pensacola and got some groceries to kill time before I could check into the space.  I thought I would get to the Air BnB, rest, and then go to the beach.  The Universe decided otherwise.  My room wasn’t quite ready when I arrived and I realized that the Universe thought it would be best for me to get some much-needed beach time first, and then be able to come back and relax for the rest of my evening.  So… to the beach I went!

This bikini top is from Torrid and has stretched out over the years… especially from my wild antics of dodging waves and jumping into pools from high-diving boards 9 feet above the water… (lol yes I did this recently and lost my breath mid air/free-fall).  I unhooked the straps from the back of the bikini top and tied them into a knot around my neck for stability, since my breasts were toppling out otherwise.  This worked and kept me decent on the beach without exposing myself.  However, I am in the market for a new supportive bikini top.  Recommendations? 😉

These bottoms are my favorite bikini bottoms I’ve ever had… they’re from last year’s Target selection and they’re my favorite because of the way they cut across my booty.  They, too, have become stretched out and are ready to be recycled from my wardrobe unfortunately.  However, this didn’t stop me from propping up my phone against my semi-sandy backpack and having my own photoshoot on the beach.  It also didn’t stop me from spending most of my time in the water… and the waves were pretty wild and fun!  I definitely thought I touched something sea-creaturey though while navigating into the water and I gasped a bit… but I probably just brushed a rock … heh… right?  -_-

I hope this fashion post inspired you and got you excited to express your style effortlessly and fearlessly along your own adventures through life!

I’ll see you soon,
BodyLoveBritt

The Manipulative Side-Effects of Manifestation (& What To Look For)

*GLITTER BOMB OF TRUTH!*

Hello Louisiana!  I am currently sitting inside of a Taco Bell enjoying some lunch and allowing this blog post to flow out.  It’s interesting because I ordered my food through the mobile app anticipating to pick it up through the drive thru and continue my journey toward New Orleans.  Instead of being able to pick up my food through the drive thru, I was instructed to come into the store.  I sat in the parking lot for a moment, realizing that God was guiding me to eat inside so I could sit down and create this post.  So, I grabbed my computer, picked up my food, and found my place at a table to eat inside and create this post.  Here we go…

Let’s talk about manifestation… and how to tell when somebody is trying to manifest you back into their lives (think an ex lover or toxic familial connection) in a manipulative way.  Before you turn away from this post as if it may not resonate or you may not fully understand what this means, I ask you to stay because I guarantee you will be able to relate in ways you were not aware of before.  This is crucial.  It’s going to help your well-being.

Have you ever been getting over somebody (or something) and suddenly feel like you cannot stop thinking about them?  Maybe even thinking about them more than usual… but the energy has suddenly shifted regarding them?  Perhaps you were once certain that contacting them was not in alignment with love or truth and would be you resorting to old people-pleasing tactics to fulfill that addictive need.  Maybe these sudden thoughts and changing habits regarding this people leaves you feeling shocked as you were once so adamant about your position in the situation – in a healthy, balanced mindset.  You may even suddenly begin to feel like perhaps things weren’t as bad, toxic, or imbalanced as they were – or even worse, that your actions were unjust and you need to redeem yourself.  Maybe you suddenly feel like perhaps you should go back to the methods you used in the past that failed you because maybe they are the right actions – you just weren’t trying hard enough…

This sudden change in your way of thinking is your energetic system potentially being manipulated by their attempt to manifest you back into their lives – in a way that serves THEM (manipulation and control).

As I was driving through Texas yesterday along my road trip, I found myself listening to a random tarot reading on YouTube regarding a past love who I had put all my heart and energy into with loving intention.  As the tarot reading went on and on… it went into depth about this person from my past and at the end of the 3 cumulative hours I spent listening to this reading, I knew it wasn’t some random reading.  In fact, I believe nothing is random in life.  I trust that we are guided to hear things for a reason.

This reading was so spot on with meticulous detail of what I went through with this person a couple years ago.  The reading described how this person desperately wanted to contact me but didn’t feel like they could.  It went into detail about the pain that they haven’t been able to tell me about and the inner demons keeping them trapped.  Naturally, this had me thinking about them with more openness of them coming back into my life.  It was even subconsciously planting the seed that perhaps I should reach out to them, despite when I’d reached out to them in the past and was honest with my emotions, I had doors slammed in my face multiple times.

My compassion for their downfalls and inabilities to communicate what they were and are currently going through weighed on my heart as I adventured around Austin, Texas that day.  I felt myself being more tolerant of feeling their energy around me.  When I got back onto the road later that night to head to my Air BnB in Houston, I had 2.5 hours ahead of me on the road.  I was guided to watch a different tarot reading, this one tailored to my zodiac sun sign of Pisces.  In it, the energy that was being picked up was a continuance of the energy of me opening back up to this person from the past in a way where I would reach out to them.  The reading was done by an entirely different person however I knew it was the same energy trying to reach me.  As the reading went on it was saying how much of a good match me and this person were and that it was a good idea for me to reach out to them to make amends.  They weren’t going to budge, so it was up to me.

I believed this for a moment thinking, “Wow, I’m actually going to reach out to this person again? Okay… I do have a lot of love for them… and I now understand their struggles of communicating with me even more… maybe I should.”

And then … IT HIT ME LIKE A TRUCK.  All the pieces of the puzzle that I had been collecting over the past few weeks regarding the ideas of somebody trying to manifest me into their lives came together in a beautiful picture.

To manifest somebody into our lives means to put intention into our energy regarding the desired person of how we want our fate to go with that person in the energy-space we are currently vibrating from.  If we are coming from a vibration of unconditional love, then we will attract and manifest people into our lives capable of upholding that same vibration.  However, if we are vibrating from a space of control, deceit, (negative) pride, or manipulation, we will attempt to manifest that person into our lives through those means.

I recognized that the Universe was testing me through hearing these readings and picking up on this person’s energy of “not being able to reach out to me.”  It hit me that this past lover was wanting me to reach out to them, so they didn’t have to face their own pride and come my way.  This was the easy way out for them.  If I returned to them, it would comfort their soul that the actions that happened between us could be laid to rest.  I realized it was the SAME energy that I grew up with in a narcissistic household.  I was constantly made to feel like I had to put up with people’s behaviors because they “didn’t know better.”  This was extreme negligence of not wanting to take responsibility for one’s actions and therefore manipulating somebody else to disregard their own (my own) self-worth and deal with it.

I started crying while on the road because of the anger that suddenly came forward realizing that this person wasn’t trying to manifest me from a space of unconditional love.  I trust that they didn’t want to come forward out of their own cowardly behaviors and were trying to get me to come to them by using deceitful pity that they were not capable.  It was a test to see if I was still susceptible to the narcissistic people-pleasing and self-depleting behaviors I was taught to implement during my childhood.

I suddenly reclaimed my throne of Queendom KNOWING that I am deserving and worthy of more.  I felt my awareness make a powerful shift in that moment as I suddenly felt a deeper, more loving connection to my inner child.  These readings were testing me and I passed… and the gift was opening up to a higher sense of consciousness.

The truth is that my emotions deserve a safe space to be expressed within relationships.  The truth is that people CAN reach out to us, or overcome their demons, regardless of how much pity they try to develop in a case that they aren’t able.  This is their attempts to avoid responsibility of leveling up their lives and taking control of their own actions.  This is manipulation and can be used through guilting us into taking pity on their poor souls that are just not capable.  What they don’t realize is that they are taking away their own power by doing this to grab at ours through controlling us to do what they say.  This is not love.

So, if you find yourself suddenly feeling differently toward a person whom you feel you have seen the light toward, I ask you to take a step back and consider that they may be trying to manifest you into their lives through breaking down your own healthy boundaries.  Nothing is a coincidence in life.  Ever.  It is all synchronicity guiding us to a deeper understanding of unconditional love for ourselves to arrive us at the fate and destiny we truly deserve.

I mean, come on, how many times have we moved on from people and then they suddenly reappear wanting to make amends?  Everything is energy, and when we choose to love ourselves and uplevel our lives by making higher decisions, they can feel that.  If they are not taking responsibility for their own soul growth, then they are going to want to bring us back down to their level.  Otherwise, they run the risk of losing us, losing the control they once had, and losing a sense of their egoic identity.

(P.S. Another way they may try to manipulate you back into their lives is sending you songs that cry out how much they miss you, or were in the wrong… anything to gain some pity in hopes that we will go to them.  Because they want that control in their lives back when it comes to us.  Heed this warning because it has tricked me multiple times.)

As for this person, if they decide to reach out to me that is their choice.  I know what I deserve regardless of their actions and I will no longer settle for less than that deservedness of peace, respect, and unconditional love.  I bid you all well.  Take care of yourselves.

See you soon,
BodyLoveBritt

 

Journey Over Destination. Always

Since the birth of this blog I have had an expectation of how my Travel Tuesday posts should go.  I was basing my idea off of a travel blog set-up where I would review places and bring that guided helpfulness to others in regards to the logistics of visiting a place:  best places to eat, most fun things to do, accessibility and ease of destinations, etc.

Although I feel I will bring content like that to my Travel Tuesdays, Spirit is guiding me into a different direction right now when it comes to my Travel segments.  There is a deep spiritual freedom that has come from allowing myself the bravery to travel, especially alone.  I have gone on multiple roadtrips from east coast to west coast and have blazed through the majority of the states in between.  Traveling can truly be enhanced by stopping to make visits and tastes the foods of different places.  This is to not be underestimated.  However, traveling can also be an intuitive, life-changing event solely from getting out on the open road, letting the breeze comb through your hair from the open window or the A/C blasting in your car, getting lost in the music, and feeling the comfort of the highway signs reassuring you that if you need any resources such as gas, food, or a place to sleep, it is available.

I’ve spent a lot of time out on the open road, roadtripping from place to place.  I’ve gone on multiple cross-country road trips over the past decade of my life and each one has brought its own experiences and differences.  The one thing that has always remained the same and been what has pulled me back to do it again has been the freedom of simply just driving — sometimes without a specific destination or know-how in mind.  The liberation of knowing it is safe to just … go… and be at one with the open road has freed me.

This has been a huge link to my self-connection and my truth.  Driving is a meditative practice for me that restores me and elevates my vibrations.  While driving I catch myself visualizing what it is I truly desire in life without any restrictions trying to hold me back.  The energy of the open road carries with it the limitless potential of going anywhere, of doing anything, of being anyone.  It rips away any walls or ceilings I’ve tried to box myself into and gives me a fair opportunity to believe in myself to achieve what it is I want.

The clarity I receive on the open road is unlike any clarity I receive elsewhere.  It’s a different kind of clarity – a link to my true Spirit.  Driving keeps me present because I need to pay attention to what is going on, yet gives me the unlimited potential to focus on whatever dreams are making their way to the forefront.  I have the time and space to think about them and feel into them without that intrepid sense of guilt I get when I’m daydreaming and have other things I should be doing.  Driving helps me manifest.

Before I can really bring that travel-inspired content mentioned in my first paragraph, it is important to me to develop a foundation of understanding between me and you, my beloved readers.  Driving on the open road ingrains the truth that it is not about the destination that liberates me, it really is all about the journey.

It took me multiple cross-country trips to finally stop judging myself about not “taking advantage” of the fact that I was driving through so many different places.  I would feel a sense of guilt that I was mostly staying on the highway during my drive-throughs instead of taking time to stop and explore.  When I would stop and explore I was often glad I did, however I was limiting my idea of travel to needing to see something beautiful or extraordinary to be personally moved.

When I left for a roadtrip in December of 2018 to follow my soul’s calling and find out what it was I truly desired in life, I had all of the freedom in the world to get out and explore.  I thought this is what I would be doing and would be integrating it into my social media.  But Spirit and the Universe had a different plan for me.  They were showing me that going for a long drive on the road is a deep sense of therapy for me.  It rejuvenates my soul.  It helps me increase my vibration to assure that I leave behind negative thought processes that make me feel like I’m not good enough.  It nurtures my soul.  I learned that it was okay to drop the expectation that just because I wasn’t doing as much exploration externally on my trips didn’t mean I wasn’t expanding myself and doing deep exploration internally.

I finally dropped the judgment that I needed to “make the most” of my trips by going to places, instead of allowing myself to just drive.  I began to realize the need for open-road driving in my life.  It keeps me in balance and it helps me process the gunk that may be sitting in my life, ready for release.

Perhaps now that I have dropped the self-judgment of not exploring places as much as one may assume since I’ve done multiple roadtrips, my emergence of exploration will come more naturally.  I won’t be telling myself I “should” be making more stops and seeing more attractions.  I’ll know that it is safe for me to go with the flow and do what feels right because I am spiritually upgrading and up-leveling with each mile I make.

I am compelled to write this post for Travel Tuesday today because I am about to go on one of my most miraculous roadtrips yet.  This is because my intention of this roadtrip is to close a giant chapter of my life and elevate me toward a higher sense of love.  Instead of wondering what to make of this trip, I know that my intention is to finalize my decision to move on.  I’ll explain more as progress is made and now that I have this blog implemented, I will be able to take you guys along for the journey with even more depth than ever before.

Until then, I encourage you to trust that the way you explore life is okay.  The most important part about travel, to me, is enjoyment.  If you feel good then you’re doing something right.  Everybody’s needs are different and the way we experience life is supposed to be varied.  Dropping self-judgment will elevate you to a more profound state of love.

See you soon,
BodyLoveBritt

6 Reasons To Release “Goal Weight” Clothing From Your Closet

Yesterday I was having a conversation with somebody regarding keeping old clothes that used to fit with hopes that they will fit again in the future.  This person asked me my opinion on this, and it brought me back to the times that I have also had “Goal Weight” clothing hanging in my closet.

Everything comes down to how something makes us feel inside because everything in this Universe is energy.  This requires us to become very honest with ourselves, or at least be willing to invite honesty inward when it comes to our emotional states.  Our true energy/vibration can not fool the Universe no matter how much we may try to resist/ignore/or deny our true feelings.

Having grown up in a body that was never in an “average” weight category, I know the battle of wishing, hoping, and praying that my body would change and conform to what was deemed normal.  Due to this, there were a couple of times where I hung on to old clothing that once fit me, hoping they would fit me again in the future once I lost enough weight.

It seemed like a motivational thing to do.  However, every time I opened my closet door and saw that pair of too-small jeans hanging there, negative feelings rushed into my system.  I still couldn’t fit into them.  I would start scolding myself that I clearly was not working hard enough.  I would call myself names like saying I was lazy.  I would feel the shame and embarrassment of failure running through my body.  But I hung on to these items because getting rid of them would have meant admitting defeat.  I refused to do that.  This mindset kept me in a state of lack.

In this post I will explain 6 ways to release old clothing (and really anything that no longer serves us) to make way for the new, through acts of self-love.

If, and only if, keeping goal weight clothing in your closet truly makes you feel good, empowered, and motivated in a deeply honest way, then absolutely do that.  In my reality, that wasn’t a true experience for me.  If this is the same for you, then here is why it is okay and *loving* to let go.

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Staying in Lack / “Not Good Enough” Mindset

If I was able to be honest with myself, removing judgment or shame from the equation, I would have realized that I didn’t deserve to constantly be reminded of feeling “not good enough”.  This energy keeps us in lack.  The Universe is constantly working with our energies.  Like I mentioned before, we cannot trick the Universe when it comes to how we truly feel, for it senses our vibrations regardless of what we are willing to admit to ourselves.  It is not how our bodies look that brings shame and negativity to our lives.  It is how we view ourselves for looking the way that we do in any given moment.  Constantly feeling like I wasn’t good enough by not being able to fit into these “Goal Weight” clothes taught the Universe to provide me situations in life that were constantly providing me “lack”.  With that energy comes stagnant energy.

Stagnant Energy

Stagnant energy comes from fear-based thought patterns that accumulate in our lives and subconsciously dictate how our lives will go.   Keeping clothes in our wardrobes that no longer suit us, whether that’s their size or style, blocks new energy coming in that is more aligned with us.  For those of you familiar with the author Marie Kondo, she is all about keeping items in our lives that bring us joy and releasing the rest.  I am constantly focusing on that energy when it comes to my wardrobe because I, for too long, wore clothing that would cover up and conceal me over clothing that matched my mood in that moment and felt like an authentic portrayal of myself.  Stagnant energy creates blocks.  We must release what no longer serves us to show the Universe we have made room for something better.  If we are clinging on to the past, then we are neglecting our beautiful opportunities of increased self-love to flow into the present and future moments.

Resisting Love in The Present Moment

Growing up with a fixation on losing weight constantly had me reaching outside of the present moment to find love.  I was certain that I would only be deserving of that love, confidence, success, and expression of truth once I was “thin”.  Until then, I wasn’t deserving of that joy and happiness because my physical body was not good enough.  Often, we can only create that future feeling of love and success by being willing to know that we deserve it as we look and exist in this present moment right now.  Those dreams you have for when your body looks a certain way?  Guess what?  You deserve your dreams to come true right now, as your body exists in its present state.  You’re good enough now. Read that again.

Fear of Sizing Up

I would get caught up on numbers, like what size clothing I was wearing or what number showed up when I stepped onto the scale. I would feel empowered when I’d be able to fit into a piece of clothing that was marked a smaller size than I typically wore.  Not due to me having lost weight necessarily but due to this piece of clothing fitting me in a way where a smaller size worked.  I felt there was more worth in me knowing I was able to fit into something smaller than usual.  It empowered me – but in a self-defeating way.  I was associating my worth with a number which was a temporary hit of satisfaction.

What matters most is choosing clothing that represents our true colors and allows us to feel free in expressing ourselves in an empowering way. The size on the tag does not matter. Every store’s sizing specifications is different, even piece-to-piece.  Life happens, our bodies shift, everything is temporary, and denying ourselves properly fitting clothing (to our discernment) due to fear of upsizing is withholding more love to flow into our lives.

Evolving Style

Who is to say that, should we come to a place in our bodies where we can fit back into that piece of clothing we were hanging onto, that we will even feel aligned to that style any longer?  I don’t feel fitting into a piece of clothing that no longer inspires us would be as much of a rewarding experience than going out and trying on/buying a new piece of clothing that matches our style and our size at that moment. Plus, as we grow our bodies shift and place weight in different areas.  If your weight reduces to a number it used to be when a certain piece of clothing fit you, that clothing may or may not still fit you the same due to your body shifting in shape anyway.

Sometimes we can get creative with clothing that no longer fits us in a certain way that we desire.  Or, perhaps our clothing still fits us but doesn’t fit our style as much.  What I tend to do in circumstances like these is get out my clothing cutter and/or scissors and transform that piece of clothing into one that brings me more joy.  For example, I love crop-tops.  I also really loved this Love shirt.  However, I noticed that I didn’t love it as much as I could due to its length, as it wasn’t inspiring me.  I got out my scissors and cut that top into a crop.  Now?  I get excited whenever I see that it is clean and tucked away in my drawer, because it represents me in a more authentic way just by the style of it.  And it is even more unique since I designed it to fit me personally.

The same goes for this B Youtifull top (which is my own design and you can buy in my merch shop at https://shop.spreadshirt.com/xBrittney89 (link is on this site as well).  This top was a men’s 3x and as soon as I took some cutting sheers to it and made it into a crop top, as well as cutting the length of the sleeves, it has easily become one of my favorite tops.  I feel way more like myself when I wear it.  This is authentic empowerment. 

Sending Off with Gratitude

Hopefully the past five tips have brought you further comfort in releasing clothing that no longer suits you knowing it is not failure for doing so.  In fact, it is a noble act of self-love because you are ridding your space of that which does not bring you joy.  A peaceful way that can bring more gratitude and abundance into our lives is to gather that which no longer serves us and thank it for acting as a catalyst to teach us how to let go.  These pieces of clothing served us in the past and their duty has come to an end.  It is very self-loving and generous to release these pieces of clothing through donating them or selling them or trashing them if they have reached a state of destruction.  That way the next person who is ready to receive clothing that suits them will benefit from your own act of self-love.  The Universe will acknowledge your willingness to release the “old” and will provide opportunities to enhance your closet and your life with the more aligned “new”.

For example, I released this jean jacket and these black shorts because the energy of wearing them wasn’t fully aligned in joy.  This jacket was one I settled for wearing that I came across when I moved back home.  It was a jacket from the past that reminded me of negative energies I was leaving behind.  These black shorts were very comfortable however the zipper was constantly falling down.  They were my only pair of shorts I had with me, as most of my things are still in storage back in Maine as I’m now living in Arizona, so I had to trust that it was safe for me to release.  Better would come and I wouldn’t have to constantly worry about my zipper falling down without my awareness! Haha.

Letting go doesn’t always have to be due to size.  If the energy no longer feels fully empowering, release…

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It’s okay to evolve.  We must.  We are human.  Our bodies are constantly changing.  Releasing the old does not mean we are admitting defeat.  It means we are accepting ourselves where we are now knowing that we deserve love in this moment as we look.  Our bodies will be shifting and changing our entire lives, whether in size, shape, marks, etc.   Our willingness to deliver self-love is a choice we can make consistent regardless of how we look.  It doesn’t mean we are giving up on obtaining our desires whether that’s aimed at our body-goals or not.  It does mean that we are going after those desires from a place of self-worth and self-love.

See you soon,
BodyLoveBritt

Soul Family Connection on Mount Lemmon | Tucson, Arizona

Main topics in this post: Taking leaps of faith in travel, explaining and discovering “soul family”, creating new friendships

Hi blog fam! Welcome to Travel Tuesday!  These segments are going to differ in approach each week as some posts may be about tips/advice on travel or newfound awareness I received from traveling.  Travel has been a huge part of my soul growth and building my confidence.  I have been able to travel to places and experience new things that I wouldn’t have dared to do because of feeling confident and safe in my body.  I look forward to empowering you through my experiences to help you take that leap of faith toward a new adventure that may be calling you.

In this blog, I went into the post expecting to discuss my experience on Mount Lemmon, which is a mountain in Tucson, Arizona.  However, Spirit guided me to not just discuss the beauty that I was surrounded by but the experience I had regarding meeting somebody new and traveling to this place with them on a leap of faith.  I would very quickly begin to recognize them as soul family as we got “lost” in nature for a few hours that ticked by as if we were only there for a few minutes.  It was a magical experience that brought healing to my soul… so let’s dive in.

Mount Lemmon – Tucson, AZ – June 2019
Accessibility: Easy – No hiking is necessary for incredible views, although plentiful opportunities to do so.  There are parking spots along the mountainside as well as restrooms available.

Often we seek experience without the bravery of putting ourselves out there.  We fear the unknown as if it is going to bite us and permanently damage us or end our lives.  If we think about it though, our entire lives have been an experience of the unknown.  We don’t know what the world will offer us when we wake up in the morning, even if we have a pretty good idea based on patterns from the past.  We don’t know who we will meet at the store.  We don’t know what types of foods we are going to fall in love with until we try them.  We don’t recognize the beauty of nature until we submerse ourselves into it.

Fear of the unknown is an illusion, because in every single moment we are conquering that fear by existing.  As much as we like to think we have control over our environments, we don’t, and we never will.  That’s a blessing because it immediately frees us of the weight of control over how our lives are going to unravel.

Exploration has been a huge part of my soul for a very long time, however I often held back, and still do from time to time, taking the leaps of faith presented in front of me.  Growing up within an environment of anxiety, I was always questioning the “what-ifs” of a situation going wrong if I did take that jump.

After moving to a new city where I don’t have any local friends, I began realizing that I would have to step outside of my comfort zone and begin taking chances with friendships.  I’ve become very comfortable with doing my own thing as it has been very necessary over the past few months that I’ve been eradicating old behaviors from my life and moving around from place to place. I have needed to take a step back and figure out what kinds of friendships would best suit me at this point in my life.  There has been a need for me to get very honest with myself about what kind of energy my soul is craving, and communicate this to those already around me. These communications haven’t always gone so well due to the fears of change that are inevitably ingrained in us.  When situations call for change because a person is shifting into a higher version of themselves, it can seem scary, like we are losing that friendship.  Sometimes it means a friendship’s dynamic changing to accommodate that growth, and sometimes it means letting it go (temporarily or permanently)… both can mean having to deal with grief.

Moving forward, I’ve been guided to open up to what best suits me now within complementary friendships.  After doing such heavy and deep grieving of old friendships, being asked by Spirit to now open up to new friendships and cultivate love there had me very hesitant.  Is cultivating new friendships worth my time if they may or may not last?  What’s the point?  The point is that I deserve love where I am at now, and I am allowed to seek out that love regardless of how long that love may be available to me.  That is self-love.

As I’ve opened up to connecting with new people and/or people from my past that I am now aligned, I began realizing that it’s not “friendships” that I’m aligning with anymore… it is soul family.  Soul family are people who resonate with us on a deep, seemingly unexplained spiritual level that may or may not even be addressed.  Soul family brings a higher vibration to our lives because their energy resonates with ours.  They are able to naturally mirror back to us what it is we need in that moment due to the very similar soul vibration we share.  The interesting thing about soul family is that, from my experience anyways, they don’t fall into those typical “friendship” standards where we have learned to have expectations toward them.  Spending time or communication with soul family is a very rich experience.  It is a healthy dose of soul-food because it is familiarity of who we truly are due to the soulful connection we have with them.  Having relationships with soul family also requires us to be able to take full responsibility for our own lives, because we cannot be a vibrational-match if we are expecting the other person to be there for us in a certain way that we aren’t showing up for ourselves.

This familiarity and comfort we experience with them can bring a profound sense of love.  We may even mistake it as romantic love for that person.  I feel that’s very natural because, especially if we aren’t used to feeling that vibration, being with that person can feel like home – effortlessly.  Telepathy and elevated intuition is also very common in these kinds of connections.

So…after listening to the Universe about meeting new people, I got on some apps and began mingling.  I had also been spiritually-guided to visit Mount Lemmon as I was suddenly and constantly being shown this destination.  Within a day of meeting a new person online, we made plans to go visit this destination together.  It took me awhile to agree to bringing this unknown person along with me, as my hesitancy of the unknown was suddenly creeping up.  What if I didn’t feel comfortable around this person? What if their presence took away from my own experience?  What if, what if, what if!

I used my intuition and chose to see this as an opportunity to connect with somebody, which was something my soul was craving more than I was willing to recognize due to the mask of fear.  So, I chose trust in the Universe which had laid this plan out extremely smoothly for us, I picked this person up, and off we went on an adventure.

(Note: I trust my Universe and intuition so I knew I wasn’t in danger’s way by doing this.  Choose safety for what feels right to you, always.)

I never could have anticipated the experience I had with this person… as soon as I picked them up conversation flowed with ease between us, and a familiar energy filled my car.  Suddenly, a feeling of recognition began developing as we made our way through the twists and turns of the mountain.  This person went from being a stranger to somebody I felt extremely comfortable and understood by.  Throughout our few hours together I kept forgetting that I had just met him, as it felt like we had known one another for a very long time. He had been to the mountain before so he guided me to a couple of spots with beautiful views where we sat in the most comfortable silence and peace that I’ve ever had with somebody in person.

This deep, meditative clarity took over me as we sat there, witnessing nature together, and I felt like I could let my guard down and become extremely present.  Any outside worries, concerns or thoughts I had prior to being up on that mountain had completely eradicated.  It felt like the fresh, clean air whipped through my lungs and cleared out any toxic, old energy that was still residing inside of me.  The wildlife greeted us with trust.

The trees whispered secrets to us (or about us, we weren’t sure).

**Check out the “Twin-Flame Tree” we found … connected at the base of energy yet branching off as their own whole trees…

My soul felt like it was at a deep peace by being on that mountain and in his energy.  My soul knew him in a way my logic couldn’t define. I began to recognize the feeling as a soul connection, since I have been submersing myself in these kinds of relationships lately.

As time flew by in the blink of an eye, the sun went down and it was time to descend the mountain.  Along with descending the mountain, it felt like I was descending from a higher realm of consciousness and coming back down to reality.

(This is the gingerbread man rock… the most-left rock is the head, then it has its arms crossed as if it’s taking a nap with a cowboy hat laying on its belly and its legs sprawled out :D)

The connection took me by surprise and it wasn’t until I began writing this blog post that I realized the Universe had guided a soul-family member into my life.  The Universe was able to do this because I was willing and open to the unknown.  My soul felt like it received some miraculous soul-medicine, along with an absolutely mesmerizing sunset.

Giving myself permission to take a leap of faith and trust what the Universe was guiding into my life – without any real effort being needed on my part, delivered a gift of insight to me.  We so often ask the Universe to give us things but are not open to receiving them due to the “fear” we put in front of these potential gifts.  That’s human nature because I believe we come to this Earth to eradicate that fear and grow closer to truth and love.  It’s the essence of waking up to who we truly are.

I leave you with encouragement that if you are being guided to meet a new person or go to a new place, then your soul knows something that you won’t know until you experience.  Trusting yourself builds your intuition and also your relationship with your Universe and spiritual connection.  There are no coincidences in life … everything is synchronous to guide us to our destinies.  Follow it with inspired action…

See you soon,
BodyLoveBritt

4 Tips To Enhance Comfort w/ Belly-Pudge

Note: Belly-Pudge (as referenced in this post) is referring to the bulge that appears under the waist-band of pants inevitably if you don’t have a flat stomach. 

Hi my blog family!  Happy Style Sunday and welcome back to TravelStyleGlitter!  Those of you who have followed my YouTube channel will be familiar with my Style Sunday segments, as I would often make videos of me dancing around in different outfits. Although I will still provide this kind of content on my YouTube channel when it feels right, Style Sundays will continue consistently each week here on my blog.  Fashion and personal style has been a huge tool for me to embrace who I am with more depth and clarity.  Physical expression has a lot of power as we all deserve to embody our truths in this way.

Today I’m bringing you a post about belly-pudge. I have four tips that, in the past, have been my go-to methods to disguise belly-pudge.  Everybody is on their own body-love journey and although I will also provide words of encouragement on how you can see your beauty in a higher light with that belly-pudge present, I recognize the power in feeling comfortable with what you look like *now*.  For me, that has meant being able to dress with more authentic self-expression while also feeling comfortable and safe in my body, releasing worry about parts of my body being exposed that I am not yet comfortable with.

My heart guided me to write this recently when I realized how comfortable I have become wearing crop-tops with jeans, no longer attempting to wear tops that hang past my belly-pudge.  This has become a huge personal victory for me because my belly-pudge was my nemesis and source of insecurity for so long.  What I mean by belly-pudge is the bulge that can be seen when wearing pants/bottoms.  (Hahaha oops, that sentence didn’t come out right.  I mean it did but it could also be taken differently if you have certain genitalia… I considered re-writing the sentence but I may as well leave it in for your potential enjoyment since I’m sitting here giggling about it.  Anyway…)

Wherever you are on your body acceptance/love/appreciation journey is okay and beautiful because it really is a journey… I notice I am constantly evolving and shifting my awareness of how to bring more self-love to my body each day.  Some days my body needs a different kind of self-love talk or practice than other days as life is fluid and always shifting.

What’s neat about this post is that through the photos I provide you can really see how I’ve grown in my style-evolution over the past years by going through different fashion-phases.  Witness as I steadily embrace the curves of my body and their visibility more and more…

Let’s get into these 4 tips.  I have included some photos that demonstrate how I have utilized each tip within my own personal style to potentially inspire you and bring you more confidence to express yourself!

Tip #1: Disguise Belly-Pudge During Tucked-In Situations

Wear a shirt 1+ size larger than necessary, tuck the ends of the shirt into your bottoms, and then allow the extra fabric to hang down far enough over the waistband of your pants to cover the belly-pudge.

Okay, so this tip is straight-forward but hear me out because this was a huge concern that I had to deal with for ten years while playing softball.  The idea of tucking my softball jersey into my baseball pants haunted me due to my fear of my belly-pudge being visible.  Suiting up for a sport meant I had to figure out a way where I could feel comfortable enough having my shirt tucked in that it would only take minimal focus away from the game.  Because, let’s face It, being as insecure with my body as I was meant the worry of my fat being seen in a vulnerable way was constantly on my mind to some degree.  I felt if somebody could see how lumpy and imperfect my body truly looked then they would cast judgement and think negative things about me.  I felt guilty and ashamed for looking the way I did so the way I coped with my body during this period of my life was hiding it behind baggy clothing.  By the way, I started playing softball when I was eight so this self-awareness of wanting to hide my belly-pudge started young.  Plus, God forbid a cute boy be in the stands watching the game and my belly-pudge weasel its way to visibility.  How embarrassing.

So, I would make sure to order my jerseys a size or two larger than I needed to make sure I had extra material to work with.  This way I could still tuck in my shirt yet have enough of the shirt to let drape over the front waistband of my pants to disguise the belly-pudge.  The shirt would hang down low enough as if it was a regular length top, but it still looked neat and orderly because it was tucked in. A simple solution that was my saving grace.

What I would say to myself (and the encouragement I have for you) if I could reach out to little Brittney back in time would be this:

Brittney/(Blog Fam), your body is your vehicle and it looks the way it does to help you accept your Soul and grow your self-acceptance.  Your belly-pudge is serving you to help you see that you are lovable and worthy of being confident despite how you look because your physical representation does not define the rules of your life.  What somebody thinks about you isn’t your business nor is it a representation of who you are.  I give you permission to focus on what truly matters in life, like your deserved happiness, and know you are safe whether your belly-pudge is visible or not.

I do not have access to photos from my softball years at this time so I can’t share how chubby and cute I was a kid.  But I think you get a pretty good visual on what I’m talking about within this tip.

Tip #2: Disguise Belly-Pudge With Camis/Tank Tops

Wear a long camisole/tank top underneath your top which will securely cover your belly-pudge and keep you feeling tucked-in, covered, and safe whether your top moves around or not.

As I moved away from wearing baggy hoodies and started styling myself more in my early adult-hood, I began wearing camisoles/thin tank tops underneath every shirt I wore.  This helped me become comfortable with expressing my body-shape more visibly without losing the comfort of my belly-pudge being disguised.  Even as I became more comfortable with my body in the nude from pursuing adult-modeling when I was 20, I still had a stigma against how belly-pudge looked in an outfit.  I was allowing an illusion control my mindset which convinced me that if my belly-pudge wasn’t flat then certain outfits wouldn’t look good.  Although I was becoming less ashamed of my body, I was still withholding love from myself from setting rules of what I was and wasn’t allowed to wear.  Regardless, I was making progress in my body-love journey and being able to have the comfort of a long cami keeping me covered underneath my tops was worth the mental-safety.  Feeling safe in our bodies is most important, especially when we begin to express ourselves in ways we aren’t used to doing and open ourselves up more vulnerably.

The beauty of camisoles are that they are so versatile and accessible, as they come in a multitude of colors, lengths, sizes, and prices.  So it’s possible to find one to go with any outfit.

What I would say to myself (and the encouragement I have for you) if I could reach out to that version of myself back in time would be this:

Brittney/(Blog Fam), I am proud of you for beginning to allow yourself the chance to express your authenticity through style.  In the past you may have suppressed yourself from wearing what you truly desired due to self-constraints and restrictions.  There is momentum in your embrace of exploring your personal style and showing it to the world.  You are showing up with more truth and honor to your Soul and there is beauty in that.  Good for you.  Keep going.  I am so proud of you.

Tip #3: Disguise Belly-Pudge with high-waisted skirts

Utilize the high-waisted fashion by wearing high-waisted flowy skirts that rise above belly-pudge yet flow over it in disguised-ease.

As my style evolved even further, I began experimenting with wearing skirts.  For the majority of my life I dressed in a more tom-boy fashion of pants and tops/hoodies.  Even as a kid I very rarely wore dresses and skirts and often found myself in leggings and overalls.  Embracing my femininity and the safety to express myself in that way became a powerful part of learning more about who I was.  Whether I did this consciously or not, I was drawn to skirts that were high-waisted and hung over my belly-pudge, naturally disguising it from the flow of the skirt.  I realized upon writing this blog post that this is a very efficient way to style yourself while also minimizing belly-pudge visibility.  Plus this opens the door to begin experimenting with wearing crop tops because the high-waist of the skirt comes up far enough where you can minimize or completely eradicate any potential of your mid-drift being shown.

What I would say to myself (and the encouragement I have for you) if I could reach out to that version of myself back in time would be this:

Brittney/(Blog Fam), I love how you are embracing the different aspects of your Soul and letting your true colors shine in ways that feel comfortable to you.  Your self-expression is and will always be unique to you and there is so much power in you choosing to be seen in this way.  Keep choosing outfits that make honor who you are and where you are at in your body-love journey because it is inspirational and powerful!

Tip #4: Tie a kimono/shirt around your waist

Wear a long kimono and pull the ends of it up around your waist, securing it by tying it into a loose knot, or use a shirt (I often used button-ups) to tie around your waist.

As I was scrolling through my Instagram looking for photos to help you visualize each tip, I found another way to potentially disguise belly-pudge through tying tops around your waist.  More recently I went through a fashion-phase where I loved tying plaid button-ups around my waist to add a little tom-boy pop to my fashion.  This is also a great tip for if you want to wear leggings as pants but may be a little uncertain about how see-through the bottoms may appear.  Tying a top around your waist helps cover your booty and also breaks up the attention to your belly-pudge.  It has felt like a security-blanket for me as I transitioned into further fashion expression.

Brittney/(Blog Fam), you’re pushing yourself outside of your fashion comfort zone and that’s a powerful catalyst for growth.  I love how you are choosing to be creative in your fashion endeavors to allow it to open more doors of opportunity for you instead of limiting yourself from fears.  Keeeeep goooinggggg!! I’m cheering you on.

Bonus tip: Or you can just say f*ck it and fully embrace that belly-pudge! 😉

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Thank you for checking out this Style Sunday!  I will see you Tuesday for my Travel post, if not sooner with a Glitter Bomb of Truth!  My social media has shifted a bit as well, so make sure you are following all of my accounts below so you don’t miss out on any content made with intention to serve you more self-love.

See you soon!
BodyLoveBritt

Instagrams:
Main Account: http://www.instagram.com/bodylovebritt | @BodyLoveBritt
TravelStyleGlitter Blog Account: http://www.instagram.com/travelstyleglitter | @TravelStyleGlitter
Artwork / Etsy Shop Account: http://www.instagram.com/empoweringimperfectcrafts | @EmpoweringImperfectCrafts

Twitter: Follow me if you are comfortable with my body-love expression in the form of sensuality and sexuality being presented, as I utilize this Twitter to also connect and promote my 18+ Adult Modeling content. http://www.twitter.com/bodylovebritt | @BodyLoveBritt

 

 

 

My Sexual Orientation | From “Straight” to “Lesbian” to … “Bisexual”?

Sexuality is fluid. It is constantly changing and shifting as we grow and experience new things and ways of living. Our sexuality can change in many ways such as new methods of intimacy or a change in our preference of gender-attraction.

In 2016 I came out publicly for being lesbian after living a pretty straight lifestyle. I’d dated two men prior to coming out and although I had kissed a woman in the past and was “open-minded” about potentially dating one, I hadn’t given myself much of an opportunity to explore that avenue.  It didn’t resonate…until one day, it did.

After a long-term relationship breakup in 2015, I found myself spreading my wings in my sexuality journey and beginning to learn what it was I desired at that point in time. I began pursuing my interest in women which was developing more clearly now that I was single. I remember watching a YouTube video that I had stumbled across one night of a lesbian couple who reflected back to me what I was desiring… their connection woke up a part of me that hadn’t been ready to awaken until right then.  I cried myself to sleep that night as a powerful shift in my sexual orientation occurred.  I wanted to date a woman, and I was finally feeling open and self-accepting enough to give myself an opportunity to explore this urge.

What was crucial for me to be able to come into a comfort with dating women was having a supportive and very open-minded environment encouraging me to try new things without judgement. I had friends who identified along the LGBTQ+ spectrum and helped me find comfort in knowing that regardless of how I identified in the past and what genders I previously dated, I could still claim a new sexual orientation. I struggled with this, feeling as though I wasn’t allowed to label myself as “lesbian” since I had dated and seemingly enjoyed being with men in the past.  What I didn’t realize at that point in my life was that we are constantly evolving and shifting, and it can very well be that we wake up one day and feel entirely different in regards to our sexual orientation.

I opened to my truth more and began dating women solely as that is what resonated most with me.  So many new opportunities popped up for me to explore as a result of me staying true to my authenticity, including being invited as a “Celebrity VIP” to the Dinah Shore Annual Festival and walking a red carpet, and being included in Paper Magazine’s online article “Best LGBTQ+ YouTube Beauty Bloggers”.  Over those next few years that I identified as “lesbian” I had a couple of girlfriends and was able to really explore the experiences my soul needed to grow and evolve into my higher self.

 

Over the past six months I have been undergoing a deep soul transformation – where my life has been changing with rapidity and intensity.  I’ve never gone through as intense of a process as these past few months have brought.  With this fire has come a lot of shifts in what now best suits me and who I am.  I’ve been settling back into my feminine energy realizing the power I have there (I had been doing a lot of healing work within my masculine energy which I feel went hand-in-hand with my desire to date women at that time).  As I’ve been really stepping into this divine feminine power and energy center, I’ve been desiring in a romantic sense an energy who leads with their masculine to the depth I lead with my feminine, to balance my own energies with theirs and create an even larger yin/yang.

When I say we can wake up one day and feel entirely different in regards to our sexual orientation – I mean it – because this is what I experienced. It was as if one morning I woke up and realized, suddenly, I was attracted to men again. This was shocking to me as I had spent years seemingly solely attracted to women, not thinking I’d ever find attraction to men again. During those years I identified as lesbian, it felt so right, and that’s because it was at that time.  But, just like that, as I stepped back into my true balanced power, my orientation opened a new door to my truth.

I had been through the fire over the past few months and had really begun to learn that I do not need to seek anybody’s validation outside of my own to feel confident in my decision.  Due to this, I was able to accept this newfound awareness that I was attracted to men again, without needing to discuss it with friends in order to receive their confirmation that this was okay.  However, I did began questioning what this now meant for me. Did this mean I was completely straight again? Bisexual? Did I still find attraction to women? I had a lot of questions for myself, but I knew that regardless of the answers I was safe to explore my desires without pressure of trying to figure things out.

Nowadays, I’m comfortable saying I’m bisexual as sometimes labels help break things down for people that need a more black/white approach. To me, I’m just me and open to the energies that are most balanced,complementary and aligned with my own. It doesn’t matter the gender that goes with it.

 

So, here’s to coming out a second time. Hello world, I’ve discovered a deeper aspect of myself and thus have been able to personally embrace and represent a new part of the LGBTQ+ spectrum… the B.

Wherever your sexuality falls is okay! You are valid no matter who you’ve dated in the past or how you have identified in the past. We are ever evolving energy systems. That’s what growing as a human Being is. its safe to release any feelings of being trapped into staying a certain way due to fear of discomfort or being abandoned/ridiculed by friends/communities/people who want us to stay the same.

What we once desired may change, and that’s okay. We owe no explanations to anybody. It is safe for us to embrace our sexual orientations day by day, moment by moment. If identifying with labels empowers us, then by all means do that. It really empowered me to embrace being a lesbian and feel a sense of community and understanding around that when I needed that support most.

We cannot force a caterpillar to stay a caterpillar when we know it has a bigger destiny.

Happy Pride Month. May you give yourselves the permission to explore your own lives without judgement knowing you are safe and valid in your preferences, whatever they may be and however often they may shift.

Live freely as you are entitled to that.  All that matters is love.

See you soon!
BodyLoveBritt

 

Rising From The Smoky-As-Hell Ashes

Sometimes in life we need to walk through the fires of transformation to become aligned with our destiny and who we are meant to be.  Doing this can be extremely painful, as the flames burn away old patterns, behaviors, thought-processes, outside energies, places, and things that no longer serve us.  It can feel like our entirety is being ripped apart, stripped to a core that we didn’t know we had but certain that we will die from all the loss.

After we walk through that fire, our eyes burn from the smoke and we can barely recognize ourselves anymore… at least in a way that we always identified in the past.  We look in the mirror and we see somebody else, a better version of ourselves that feels more aligned but also feels like a stranger.  Who are we now that so many things we used to identify ourselves with was burned away?

It’s beautiful and scary all at once.  When you’ve only ever been a caterpillar and are suddenly emerging from isolation as a butterfly, it can be intimidating and confusing.  What are these wings?  How do I use them?  How do I cope with the pain and the fear of releasing all that was just stripped of me?  Because it’s gone, but I still am afraid to mentally and emotionally let it go…

Sometimes we are born as Swans in a sea of ducks.  We are different than our surroundings.  We feel outcasted for our physicality that stand us out from the crowd.  We may be mocked or made fun of because we are an easy target of being different.

So we leave or retreat from the world because we don’t feel understood.  Maybe we feel a lot of shame for being seemingly different, as if it’s a punishment for some unknown crime we’ve committed by existing.

We hope to find like-minded people who think, look, or act like us due to the comfort of wanting to fit in and feel a sense of belonging in this world.  We drift through people, places, and situations until one day, an aligned soul comes into our life that we admire.  We wish we looked like them and are surprised when they start interacting with us in a way nobody else has before.  They ask us why we are hiding our light and we admit our defeats and fears of not being worthy enough.  This shocks them because they see the value in us, as they see themselves through our beauty.  They guide us to look at our own reflection in the lake, and when we do, we gasp.  We realize that we, too, had been a Swan all along and had finally grown into our inner beauty of self-acceptance.  We come out of hiding in the bushes and proudly display ourselves on the lake, because we deserve to be seen.

Does this story sound familiar?  It should… it’s the tale of the Ugly Duckling which I was recently guided to reading (again and again) to my little cousin when I was spending time with him a few weeks ago.

A Butterfly, a Phoenix, a Swan… they all have wings.

Transformation can create a lot of fogginess from the after-math of the smoke.  We know that our old ways do not serve us but are still learning how to use these wings to fly.  It is an opportunity to get to re-know ourselves in a deeper way.  This may mean surrounding ourselves with new people, new places, or new hobbies.  This could also mean continuing the same relationships or hobbies but needing the space to express who we are now and release who we used to be – because growth is necessary and with that comes change.

Being on an open-ended roadtrip for six months was a giant transformative fire that burned away a lot of things that no longer served me.  I’ve been choking on smoke for months as I try to get a grasp on who I now am and where I want to go… and with that comes the challenge of building my confidence back up.  Finding my grounding in Tucson and settling down into a space here, choosing this place as where I want to be, has provided me great clarity.  The desert winds have picked up and are effortlessly moving the fog away from me.  I’m finding a deeper peace within myself that I haven’t felt in a really long time- if ever?  My mental health which has been so up-and-down, is naturally stabilizing with quickness.

With the clarity comes the ability to see what I want to create.

If you are in the fog, then congratulations.  You are transforming and you will absolutely get through this.  Find your grounding in what makes you feel stable.  Maybe that’s a peaceful living situation, a job to secure finances while your creative projects take off, or reconnecting with friends, old and new, in a deeper way.  For me, feeling stable has been overdue and necessary.  It is the basis of the root chakra, which is the first chakra in our energetic system.  Without feeling safe, secure and stable, all my other chakras have not been able to work together in harmony.  I have been out of whack, to say the least.

I feel like I’m finally home.  I extend this faith to you, my Phoenix friends.  Transform, evolve, and know that if you are choking on smoke that it is clearing out the old from your system to create space for higher, deeper, more soulful versions of love.

This has been your Glitter Bomb of Truth.  I’ll see you Sunday, if not before.